No Turning Back

The further I journey down the path called widowhood the better I understand this will be a life-long expedition. One doesn’t discount 42 years of marriage and simply move on; it is a deliberate process, and one with many side trails and detours. While it is six years since I put on the mantle of widow, each of those years is different. Each of those years presented new emotions situations and they needed to be dealt with.

When I initially titled this blog I did not know how spot on I would be. For me at least, this place I find myself, is so much more than just grief. Grief is what I got caught up in the first year or so, but then the concept of widowhood took on a new tone. The day I realized I was single I think I experienced a stunning blow to my personal identity. I found I denied this new description and clung to widow – at least that conjured up attachment, a belonging of some sort; even if it was in the past.

This journey would be so much more difficult if I did not have the comfort and the blessed assurance of my Lord and Savior. The words of  Psalm 23:4 ring true for this believer. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” Knowing in my heart that I will see my husband again makes all the difference.

Now, as the years pile up I find that I am creating a new life, one which is beginning to feel normal and even safe. A few perks exist, like not having to wait around for anyone. When I am ready to go; I can just step outside and be on my way. I don’t have worry someone will put pepper on my burger. (This is a joke, as my husband couldn’t understand why anyone didn’t like pepper.)

Truth be told, disadvantages far outweigh the advantages. There is the partnership with that person who can finish your sentences, laugh at your jokes and know by the look in your eye when you are kidding and when you are not. When you are walking down the street, hand in hand. Forgive my lingering gaze, I’m just remembering a time when…

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