It has been almost three years since my husband died. These three years have been filled with many new feelings and thoughts. So much change to face, so much newness. At a time when life should be getting easier, when the struggles and challenges should be diminishing, death makes an appearance.
It is not as if it was unexpected, we all know that life comes to an end when we get older; it is the natural order. The truth is, sixty-two is not old, but I did not expect to wear the title of widow so soon, if ever.
The first year following an event of this sort is filled with facing what is coming to be called, a new normal. I find that the one thing I longed for during my 40+ years of marriage was to experience some time alone. I enjoyed it when my husband would go on a trip for a week or so – I loved the opportunity to do whatever I liked whenever I wanted. If I wanted to eat once a day or half a dozen times, I would do it. I had no one to think about but myself; no one to plan for or consider but me.
But now, I have all this freedom and would give it up to go back to where I was 3 years ago…or would I? Knowing what I know now, would I, should I even dream to go back? I know that my husband has moved to a new place where he spends time in the presence of God. He wouldn’t want to come back here. So why would I want to waste my days dreaming or longing for that to happen. It is time to move on. It is time to make a new life. It is okay to do both of these things, it will just be different.
Life is all about change. If we did not change we would not grow, learn, nor live to the fullest. A new attitude is what I need. I need a fresh outlook and a few laughs along the way. A strong clasp on the seatbelt of life will help also, as it is going to be a bumpy ride. I anticipate the ride will take me to the scariest of heights and then rapidly nose dive to the depths of despair. There are many changes waiting, mostly good ones, but scary all the same.
I look forward to sharing with you, some of my journey, and I would love to hear about yours.
Psalm 90:1-2 (NIV) Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
Grace ‘n Grins,