Faith sustained me and brought me full circle; from a single young woman to a married lady of 41 years, to a widow of 7 years. This circle of life brought me through good times and rough challenges. I accomplished things on my own I never dreamed possible nor ever wanted to explore. And God continues to uphold and strengthen me.
“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4 (NIV)
Life is a puzzle. Some days it’s a crap shoot; a combination of uncertainty and risk. Some view life as a challenge – oh, those extroverts! Taking a chance on the unknown, requires lots of prayer and faith. I find this to be truer for me as a widow. At least before, when I got myself in a jam, I had help getting out of the mess. Not any longer, I am on my own, but I know God is with me.
I am suddenly more willing to try some things. The years mount up, and I realize I don’t want the rest of my life to pass me by. I begin to dream a bit more. Perhaps I can step into a few of these dreams; at least put my toe into the water to determine if the temperature is okay. So much uncertainty.
This past weekend I spent a few hours working in my yard. I love this type of work and find therapeutic value is priceless. Often, I am lost in my thoughts while digging in the dirt. My mind will take me to places my husband and I dreamed of going. Too often reality sets in and I cancel those mental plans.
Sweat pours down while on my hands and knees pulling weeds. How do these unwanted entities thrive? I must admit, their tenacity fascinates, and I envy their ability to grow and flourish during drought or abundance. The hot and humid weather causes the grass to brown early and I doubt the lawn will green up again this season, but the weeds, that’s another story. They can be found tucked into every nook and cranny, basking in the oppressive sunshine and relaxing in the shaded corners. This kind of resiliency during the harsh seasons of life is a wonder.
Spotting a volunteer tomato plant peeking out from under my baby’s breath, I think I want that kind of faith, of courage, of steadfastness. I dream of packing up A.J. my faithful yellow lab and hitting the road. Of course, once again reality makes an appearance and shuts me down.
One day real soon, I will behave with abandon. I will screw up my courage, like the volunteer tomato plant and put down a few roots in a place unknown to me now. Wouldn’t it be wild to try something new without thinking it to death?
Is now is time to venture out, shake off the mantle called widowhood? To explore new territory and have the best time of my life? Why not? God is with me!
Note from Judy: I plan to post at least once a week from now on. I have a new outlook on life and widowhood and will share some of these thoughts and plans and yes, dreams with you. I do hope you find this helpful and that you will share yours with me and other readers so we can move forward together, with God’s help.