This topic could fill up a few posts and address a number of issues. Living alone is one thing; being alone is another. Learning how to make decisions after having had a partner to process things with, and talk over the pros and cons, is a big deal. For this writer, decision making became a major hurdle, one I did not struggle with before this season.
I found that I could seldom make a decision and stick with it. Things that would have been simple to deal with suddenly became insurmountable. I would second guess myself at every turn, crippling my confidence and destroying my self-assurance.
I find this to be a strange phenomenon because during the weeks my husband was ill I could handle anything and everything. I was decisive, prayerful and self-assured and knew what to do in every emergency situation that arose; and there were a number of them over the eleven weeks prior to Dave’s death.
One of the reasons decision making became so difficult may have something to do with the plan Dave and I had begun to lay out for our future; for our retirement. We were so sure that God was with us when we discovered the home in the north woods of Wisconsin. This was Dave’s dream to retire in a cabin tucked away in a wooded area, close to hunting and fishing and nature in general. It seemed to be God’s design when we found the perfect place and all the financing fell in line; even in the midst of the economic downturn our country was facing.
We were happy, we had a plan for the future; in fact we had a three year plan. God had a three month plan. We had prayerfully made this decision and were convinced it was God’s will for us. Now, I know it was God’s will and part of his perfect plan – his perfect three month plan. I can see that now. This realization is making it easier to move forward with confidence, that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
There is more to this story, as God used those three months to grow Dave and me closer together. He used this time to teach us ask the hard questions, to have the difficult discussions, and to draw us even closer to Him. Then, God used the place in the north woods as a refuge for me for one year. I moved from the home I knew for 33 years, to a new place; a place He hand-picked for me as part of the plan to heal my heart and reveal His goodness.
Won’t you share some of your journey? This blog is meant to bring some of us together so we can encourage each other. Our stories are important and they need to be told. As Sister’s in Christ we need to link arms and hold up each other, carry each other’s burdens. (Galatians 6:2)
Grace and Grins,