I remember the cold harsh days before Dave’s death. I referred to them often as my season of winter but held on to the reality that spring always follows. This was my season to draw closer to God than ever before. It is still a season where I must look to Him for advice and direction. By turning to Him every morning for a special word just for me and specifically for today, I can begin the journey with confidence and hope.
My prayer time a number of months ago netted me an idea for just what this time in my life would look like. I had a mental image of a woman looking in a mirror at her reflection, only the face staring back at her had her hair parted on the other side. Immediately, this thought burned on my brain. Yes, it is time to part my hair on the other side. It is time to look at living differently and it is time to walk alone for a season.
The reality is, change will abound, but it will be strategically placed. God will not give more than we can handle each day. This is a significant concept to embrace. One day at a time is how to move forward. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time and we will arrive. As we travel this new road, there will be some things we will learn to do again, laughter will be one of them.
Recently I was reading a blog from another widow and she referenced, “Widow Brain.” I had to laugh. Finally, a name for the emotions and thoughts I have been experiencing. Now, when I realize I have just changed my mind for the third time, I can call it “Widow Brain.” When a simple decision becomes a major thought process which causes emotional turbulence I can blame “Widow Brain.”
It is not as though my husband made every decision for me in the past, but I am realizing how valuable it was to have someone to talk things over with, even the little things. Now, I talk things over with Asa, my faithful and constant Golden companion. He doesn’t say much, but will listen intently for hours as long as there are rawhide treats waiting.
This morning during my daily quiet time, I was once again looking for direction or at the very least, affirmation that I was on the right path. The scripture from my devotional book, Streams in the Desert, was from Numbers 9:19. When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the LORD’s order and did not set out. These words spoken to my heart provided some clarity for me.
Right now that “cloud” is over me – and God is in it. I will be satisfied and content where I am. When my life is to change, God will show me. Until then I will remain under the cloud. I will rest in that safety. I feel I am to mark November in my mind; perhaps it is a turning point.
Grace ‘n Grins,